Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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