why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
