I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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