Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
