My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
