I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
