You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Randomize
