how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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