i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
