u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
