I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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