2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
