Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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