And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
