The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry my hands just texted you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
