The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
