We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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