Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
