Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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