I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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