Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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