It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
