my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
