I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
