remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
