capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
