I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
