So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize