Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
