I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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