Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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