I wish my penis had an off switch
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
