I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
