I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
