glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
