dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
