So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
