If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
