no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
