Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
