I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
