Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
