Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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