I think scott just propositioned me for sex
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
