i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please come you make the beer taste better
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
