yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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