So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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