dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
