Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Farmville is her only friend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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