Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
