Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I didn't shave. On purpose
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
COCAINE IS GR8
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize