The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
