We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
