I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
