watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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