dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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