Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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