new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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