You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
