The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
