the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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