he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
