Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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