omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
