Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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