Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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